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Archive for the ‘Random Thoughts’ Category

I teach about labor and work and globalization. So by all rights I should be joining the big march and rally that takes place downtown in Big City every year. But I’m not going to.

Friday has become sort of my “day off” – which is bad because I can’t really afford to take a day off, but there is no rest on the weekends with the little bundle of energy and emotions that we call “Buddy” here at LivedSpaces headquarters, and by Friday morning I am drained dry, particularly if I was productive on Thursday (which I was).

So get Buddy off to daycare and then come home to sleep. And it feels SOOO good. Not just to sleep for 2+ hours but to have the room and the bed to myself.  To know that Buddy is off having a fun day with his friends (really – he loves daycare, we are starting to worry that we might have to take him out because of the cost and my not having a job and all).

Today I slept from 9 am to 11:45 am. Totally decadent but I needed to catch up on my sleep. Plus it is May Day and I am a working mother. So for all of the workers out there – whether you work in the “productive” (paid) or “reproductive” (unpaid) sphere or – like most of us – BOTH, Happy May Day!

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Head above water

Do you like the new titles of my posts? Lived Spaces, now with more melodrama! But seriously, after finally starting to feel a little better after a week of being sick, and after giving a semi-respectable lecture on the Big C (that would be capitalism) in my new class, my nose filled up with the most amazing and disgusting mucus and I started having blinding headaches. Sinus infection. And damn it is a doozy – I got to the doctor yesterday, started on the antibiotics and still feel awful (and now my stomach hurts from those horse pills they gave me) but I at least I feel like I can leave the darkened bedroom and re-emerge into the light (at least for short periods of time).

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What a week. I was sick. Then Buddy got sick. Then I started teaching my new, self-designed, and extremely labor-intensive class on Monday (and SG had to take a break to watch Buddy because fever = no daycare for the poor little guy. Then I had to actually teach class on Wednesday (Monday I just went through the syllabus and called it a day). Yesterday I was so wiped out that after I dropped Buddy off I spent the whole day sleeping. I feel somewhat guilty about that but I honestly don’t think I could have done anything useful anyway.

Today I got back on the horse, cleared a path through the toys in the living room, threw some of the dishes in the dishwasher and did some work on my diss. Here, in no coherent order are some random thoughts and events from my life at the moment:

  • Buddy is going to spend time with his old babysitter tomorrow (yeah!) so that I can get caught up on lesson planning (boo!) and SG can do the taxes (double boo!).
  • Since he’s been sick Buddy has revised his usual wake-up time of 5 or 5:30 am to 4 or 4:30 am. We went through this for a while when we were night-weaning him, and we got through it,  but since he’s been sick he hasn’t been eating as much, so he wakes up and then he wants comfort and he flat-out refuses to go back to sleep. Basically he stands up in his crib and screams and jumps for an hour until it is “time to get up.” (We have a no getting up before 5 am rule – you have to draw the line in the sand somewhere).  I should mention that while we don’t co-sleep, his crib is approximately 5 inches away from my side of the bed – we live in a very small two-bedroom house, and the bedrooms are on separate floors (I use the downstairs one as an office). So it is pretty hard to ignore.
  • The 4 am screaming sessions, combined with his revived interest in nursing (although to be honest he has always loved it), mixed with my feeling like death on a sticke, has brought me to the end of my rope. It is time to wean. We will take it slow and gentle and it can take a couple of months, but it WILL happen before my 40th birthday in May. I. CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. 
  • I’ve made little or no progress on the Self-Improvement Experiment – we have been in survival mode around here for a week. I’ll pick it up again over the weekend and have a couple of posts about moving forward.
  • On Wednesday a couple of emails went around our department list-serv congratulating two of my colleagues on landing tenure track jobs. While I’m happy for them, it is sort of like twisting the knife. Then yesterday, another friend of mine announced that she was invited to interview for a very prestigious department in the UK. Never mind that because of our family situation SG and I agreed to stay in North America, so I decided not to apply anyway, this person is not even close to being finished and she was INVITED to apply. I know that I can’t compare myself to others and that my turn will come (at least I hope it will) but I’ll admit it – my self-esteem has taken quite a blow this past week.
  • On the plus side I posted to FaceBook that while I was happy for friends that I was down about giving two GREAT interviews and getting NEITHER job and a lot of people responded both intelligently and sympathetically. Also one of my best friends, who teaches in the Bay area, sent me some super fancy Easter chocolates in the mail. I started to cry because it is nice to know that there are people out there who understand and who have my back.

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Biblioteca de la Real Academia De La Lengua, Madrid, Spain

Biblioteca de la Real Academia De La Lengua, Madrid, Spain

I love libraries. And I love reading rooms. But lately I haven’t been able to spend much time in them. So occasionally I will post a virtual reading room/work space for your (and my) pleasure. Can’t you almost smell that intoxicating old book smell?

See more beautiful libraries

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  • When your 2yr-old’s favorite game is crawling around on  the floor picking up “fluff” off the carpet, it might be time to vacuum.  
  • SuperGuy and I shared a bottle of wine last night and watched Pineapple Express. He also gave me a backrub and told me I was pretty. Both were much needed. We’ve both been going full-speed-ahead with Buddy and work for awhile now we’ve sort of lost touch with each other. He also made it clear that he is proud of me whether or not I get this job at Big University. I still really want it but he made me feel better about the possibility of not getting it as well.
  • I watched the final few episodes of West Wing this weekend – and I have to say that the REAL election of Obama and the REAL inauguration of  President Obama was much more satisfying. How nice not to have to take solace in fictional characters any longer.
  • I’ve started listening to classical music on the radio when I have to drive. It is not something I know a lot about, but I like that it makes the drive seem like you are in the midst of a Merchant Ivory film – it really does make all the ordinary (and annoying) things around you seem better – elevated and more interesting somehow.
  • SuperGuy got paid half for his big contracting job so we are going to the bank today and by the end of this week we will be DEBT FREE! It is a huge accomplishment for us and a fresh start.

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